


Don't Make Me Your Hero

by Lady_Jae (misskorya)



Series: Batgirl Begins [1]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Batgirl - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Gotham AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 05:11:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4816277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misskorya/pseuds/Lady_Jae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an alternate Gotham, Renee Montoya was a godmother - a hero, and a damn good cop. She also died, died to cancer and she did so without a word to her family. Leaving her goddaughter Barbara Gordon and protege Victor Sage alone to figure things out for themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Make Me Your Hero

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter titles take their names from various songs, this was inspired by the idea of a major what-if. Originally I planned on this Barbara being Renee's actual daughter but I didn't want to go down that road so I thought this would work better.
> 
> Family of the Year's Hero, inspired this chapter title.

Barbara wiped her tears as she knelt down on the hardwood floor. Her hands twitched with anguish as she pulled a few boxes out of the closet and set them beside her. Dinah walked across the floor and looked to her friend. “We can do this later.” She knelt down beside her friend and put a reassuring hand to the small of Babs’ back.

“No. It’s okay, I can do this.” Barbara reassured her friend as she opened it up and then let a heavy sob go. “I just-”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Dinah pulled Barbara into a hug. “I know Renee meant a lot to you.”

“After Mom died… she was all I had left.” Barbara tucked loose strands of hair behind her ear and as she took a few breaths. “And Renee… she was, she…”

“She took care of you, and she helped to make you, the woman you are today. I get it.” Dinah said as she took Barbara’s hands in hers. “You’re allowed to cry, Babs.”

“I know, but I told her. I told her she wasn’t my Mother and that I hated her and I never.” Barbara bit her lower lip, and Dinah was once again holding her. “I never got to say I was sorry.”

“Babs. Yeah it might’ve hurt like hell, but she knew you didn’t mean it.” Dinah told the redhead. “She loved you, and she was always proud of you, and she always will be.”

Dinah handed Barbara a tissue from the box to their left. 

“So what’s in the box?” Dinah asked gesturing toward the cardboard box of mystery.

“I don’t know.” Barbara answered honestly. “This was kinda the off limits closet.” She gestured toward it while looking up at all the trench coats, and then smiled when she found the fedora. “Wow.” She said breathlessly as she got up to her feet and reached up for the fedora.

“The hat.” Dinah stated plainly.

“Not just any hat.” Barbara remarked as she twirled the fedora in between her index fingers. “This was Renee’s favorite hat. Story is she and Mom were out shopping and Mom absolutely hated it, so Renee got it anyway just to piss her off.”

“They were always quite a pair, those two.” Dinah commented as she stood and took the box to the dining room, that had been left untouched since the day Renee died.The blonde college student smiled as she walked toward the makeshift china cabinet for there displayed for all to see was a picture of Renee with the redhead girl who was now walking toward Dinah. “She loved you so much, and you can see it.” She took the picture frame into her hands, she drew a single finger along the edge. “Look at her, she’s beaming.”

Barbara set the hat on top of the box and took the frame from Dinah and let her tears fall down. “Yeah she was, she was so proud of me that night.” Her lips quivered while her eyes welled up with tears threatening to flow. “I miss her so much.” She said through the tears that fell anyway. She set the picture frame down on the table and made a quick retreat to the back bedroom.

Dinah fought her own tears. 

Renee meant a lot to them, the two girls growing up the daughters of cops. Renee was always a refuge, someone they could always talk to and it was thanks to her that they got to meet some really amazing people, but at the end of the day. Renee Montoya’s death left a gaping hole in their hearts. To Dinah, Renee was the amazing Aunt she wished she always had, and to Barbara she was just Mom and even if Barbara nor Renee ever admitted it that’s exactly what they were.

As Dinah walked toward that back bedroom, she could see it all over this house. Images of Renee taking Babs, her Mom and brother to various outings, games, concerts and vacations. It hurt her to know that this woman was gone, taken in an instant. 

And now her best friend was just beyond miserable, she was mourning the loss of her Mom all over again.

She found Barbara curled up with one of Renee’s pillows, crying.

“Barbie.” Dinah said as she saw her best friend burying her face into the pillow.

“It smells just like her.” She managed to say before heaving into another ball of sobs.

Dinah’s cell phone went off. “Shit.” She muttered looking at the time, she had to go pick up Sara. “Barbie…”

“Go.” Babs said. “Go get Sara, I’ll be okay.”

In truth, Barbara wasn’t okay and she wasn’t going to be, but she wanted to be alone with her memories.

Dinah told her to call and gave her friend a kiss on the cheek and walked out the house. Leaving the redhead in this big empty house, just four walls and roof with memories to haunt her, to remind her, to keep her warm.

_Barbara remembered the other week, she was laying in this bed telling Renee all about her time in MIT. “I met this girl her name is Felicity and she’s so smart, Nee. Like she understands me, and Kate of course. I still can’t believe we got into MIT!”_

_“How can you not believe that? You are so smart, your Mom would be so proud of you.” Renee told the redhead as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind the young woman’s face._

_“Are you proud of me?” Barbara asked._

_“Always, munchkin.” Renee answered. “Now how about you and I go make some tostones, to celebrate.”_

And now, all Barbara could do was hug the pillow and do her best to hold tears but it didn’t matter they came anyway. After awhile, she got up and used the edge of her sleeve to wipe her nose, and then she threw on Renee’s jacket and walked to that dining room table.

Taking a deep breath she exhaled and then opened the box. She stood there for a good two minutes staring into the box. “For the longest time, I bet this box will just be a mystery to you, it’ll be the biggest question you have, and now munchkin, here is your answer. Love Renee.” Were the words scribbles on a now yellow tinged piece of paper.

Exhaling through her grief to find herself in such shock. 

Barbara’s lips quivered as she set the letter down and looked into the box, pulling up Renee’s trench coat and then as she set it aside she found journals, case files, and so much more.

Suddenly she wasn’t so sad anymore as she rushed to the back bedroom and carefully began to unpack it, and as she did so she relished in each item. It was if Renee never left and then, she saw a scribbled letter but she could read it even through the scratched lines.

“You were… you…” She muttered as if Renee was still there and in her mind… she was. 

_“Yeah I was, I was the Question. I fought with the Justice Society, I saved the world from evil and I came home, I came home to see you, your Mom and your brother. But, Barbie doll. I’m not a hero, remember that. I’m just Renee… I’m just the woman who helped to raise you, to help you become the most remarkable woman that you are today. And Barbie, please… if you’re reading this then my time has come. Whether you chose to accept it or not. Please, Barbie doll just let me go… let me go to the other side. You know that I love you more than life itself. But you can’t keep me here, you know that. Of course you do, and you know that I will always be in your heart. I want you to remember me, for me, not for all of this… Question stuff, but for who I was. I love you, I’ve loved you like a daughter, so please Barbie doll. Let me go, I’m not a hero, I’m just a woman who fought for justice just like everyone else. I love you so much. I miss you just as much as you miss me. Love Renee.”_

Barbara sat there in the middle of files, journals and gadgets and there was this letter begging her to let Renee go. Tears were there all over again and she laid down on the bed, and clutched the pillow in arms and then she sat up pulled one of the trench coats over her, as if wearing the hat and the jacket wasn’t enough. Because it wasn’t enough, there would be nothing else in this world to replace Renee Montoya, because truth be told Renee Montoya was irreplaceable. 

But somewhere in the deepest part of Barbara’s mind, something clicked over. Like a program being coded, it all started to connect. She sat up and picked up the file titled. “Batman.”

She put a finger to her lips and thought for a moment. Barbara would never dare try and be the Question… but she could be something else… someone else.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I did mention Felicity and yes the Dinah she's referring to is the Laurel Lance from Arrow. I wholeheartedly realize these two shows run in different timelines, but this is my AU so just deal with it. :D
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @ misskorya


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